madamisahumourist:

iburisu:

dang girl are you my appendix because I don’t understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out

That is quite possibly the weirdest and most carefully thought out pickup line I’ve ever read. I applaud you.

(Source: 40ozbaka)

moneyisnotimportant:

destinycorin:

Why you always buying expensive pointless stuff. Save your money, geez.

You wonder why you broke.

Oh… It… We… have no response. That was perfect.

(Source: fear-dot-com)

maureenjohnsonbooks:

westboro-faptist:


"I told my nephew Amy had to put her hand on my boob because it was on fire."

This is beyond beautiful.

ADMIRES.

maureenjohnsonbooks:

westboro-faptist:

"I told my nephew Amy had to put her hand on my boob because it was on fire."

This is beyond beautiful.

ADMIRES.

fishingboatproceeds:

smartaleckette:

What would you say to people who are disappointed that they have been sorted into Hufflepuff? (x)

Hufflepuff Pride!

maureenjohnsonbooks:

westboro-faptist:


"I told my nephew Amy had to put her hand on my boob because it was on fire."

This is beyond beautiful.

ADMIRES.

maureenjohnsonbooks:

westboro-faptist:

"I told my nephew Amy had to put her hand on my boob because it was on fire."

This is beyond beautiful.

ADMIRES.

edwardspoonhands:

This has been all over Tumblr uncited. It’s the epigraph of The End Games, a fascinating, fast-paced, horror novel by Youtuber T. Michael Martin.

I just started reading that!

(Source: ubercreatures)

"

So I’ve killed three bottles of wine…

"
one-star-out-of-a-million:

I would be the happiest girl alive if my family gave me one of these cakes for my birthday!!!! 

lovelovelove

especially those ruffled flowers!

one-star-out-of-a-million:

I would be the happiest girl alive if my family gave me one of these cakes for my birthday!!!! 

lovelovelove

especially those ruffled flowers!

claudiagray:

I had quite forgotten Waddiwasi. 

gryffindordude:


Carpe Retractum

Eat Slugs

Arania Exumai

Piertotum Locomotor

Eye of rabbit, harp string hum, turn this water into rum

Sunshine daisies butter mellow turn this stupid fat rat right yellow

What’s he trying to do to that water?

(Source: )

(Source: screwsociety)